I wonder...
Sometimes i wonder if i made up the good part of the relationship thinking there was good in it despite the odds..
If i was delusional to think there was any good in it..
You made it seems so miserable that i started questioning if i was making it up..
Were you miserable really because of my anger, my expectations, my sexual untamed needs.m.
Or were you miserable because you were dating a woman..
A being you should not be with..
A being your family will never accept you with..
A being so utterly different..
Having to lie to your parents..
Having to hide in public..
Having to lead a double life..
Being with someone you thought constantly there was no future with..
Being depressed about it & about the things i wanted from you which you were struggling with...
I was not understanding & not patient..
Angry bird that i was..
Insecurity and jealousy was around..
Still being miserable was it always about me, about my flaws..
Or being with someone you will never be able to fight for..
16.03.2019
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