After having one of the most emotional talks with Chad our love grew stronger than ever before and the more time we spent together the harder it was to hide our relationship from the world. We decided to keep it a secret cause we didn't want any criticism from both our families and friends but keeping such a big secret is almost impossible especially if you live in the same house.


It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, the Park were not around, the workers were not in sight and mom was in her room resting, I couldn't shake the thought of what would happen if Chad's condition got worse.


*if the Doctors couldn't treat him or they couldn't find a donor*

My heart started racing at the thought of it so I got up and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water...

I looked across the hallway and it was filled with nothing but emptiness, sadness and I thought of how many secrets these walls hold,

*does mom even know about what Chad is going through?* I thought to myself

I wish I could tell her, wish she could be of help but I kept my promise to him, no one had to know, no one.


I picked up a glass from the cabinet, slowly turned on the tap with my gaze fixed on the window, I was so out of focus I hardly noticed my cup was already full...the touch of the water running down my hand brought me to my awareness and quickly turned off the tap.

It wasn't long after I heard a car pull up, I rushed to the door upon seeing the Park including Chad getting out of the car, I was aware of his meeting with his Doctor and the anticipation was killing me, my hopes were hanging by a thread and even with that, I was still holding on to the thought that they worked it out and he would be cured in no time.

I swung the big front door open and just as I stepped outside the look on their faces set a dull atmosphere, it was obvious they didn't get the good news they were expecting, I shifted my gaze on Chad and all I could see was disappointment in his eyes, he looked at me then shifted his eyes to the ground.

As soon as Mr. and Mrs. Park approached me their expressions changed, they smiled at me and asked if I needed anything, after my response they proceeded to go inside the house I turned to look at Chad who was right behind them and at that moment our eyes met and gazed into each other for a moment, he spoke no words but even with silence I listened and knew what he was going through, he shifted his eyes towards his parents as they stood there with their arms wide open waiting for him.


I wish I could talk to him but I couldn't, the sight of seeing him in pain and yet not do a thing was killing me, I ran to the garden and soon as I got there I burst into tears. I can't lose him, it can't be.

After a couple of hours of pacing back and forth in the garden I received a text from Chad assuring me it was safe to go to his room, I wiped my face and headed to his room.

I didn't know how to react around him and with all the anxiety I had at the time I could barely open his bedroom door...I finally gathered the strength and turned the doorknob, the room was silent, and right in the middle of it was Chad holding his guitar like he was getting ready for a concert, he always liked playing his guitar especially when he wasn't feeling okay ( I learned it the hard way)

He looked at me then forcefully let out a soft smile, his eyes were screaming in pain while his lips  said another,


" I haven't played it in a while, I could use an audience," he said then chuckled.


I knew he was trying to pretend like everything was alright, trying to be strong around me.

I stood there all teary and weak as I watched him trying to be strong, I ran to him and embraced myself in his arms, I couldn't help but sob, his warm embrace felt comforting and as much as I wanted to be strong for him it was impossible.


"Why are you crying? I'm not dead yet.." he said

 I know he was trying to be funny but it wasn't at all, I hit him on his chest at the annoyance of what he just said.


" Don't ever say that,"


I finally gathered the courage to ask him how it went

" Same as always, " he said as he put his guitar on the wall and headed to sit on the bed,

"See? that's why I don't like going to doctors' appointments cause they tell you the same thing all the time and this time it's worse cause I don't have much time left..."


I turned to look at him and his eyes were directed at his bedroom backyard 


He then embraced me with his left hand wrapped tightly around my shoulder, kissed me softly on my forehead and in that moment I couldn't hold back the tears anymore...I couldn't imagine losing him not now not ever, I just couldn't.


" Let's go out..right now," he said as he jumped out of the bed, 

" What now? what about your parents?"

" I am sure they wouldn't mind, "


"What happened to keeping this a secret?"


"we're not telling them anything are we? and I don't see anything wrong with us hanging out besides the last thing I want to do is spend these few moments of my life being bitter and feeling sorry for myself.."


" These aren't the last moments of your life, " 

I said as I held his hand.

He pulled me closer to his body I could barely catch my breath, the tips of our nose rubbed off each other, the silence of the room was suddenly filled with the rhythm of our heartbeats that we danced to as we took little steps back and forth...before we knew it we were kissing like we were sucking the air out of each other..my heart was pounding hard and all I felt in that moment was the deepest kind of love I've never felt before...he pushed me to his bed and within a split-second, he was on top of me...


Hearts were racing, his hands were all over me tracing every curve of my body, I took his shirt off and as soon as his fingers slowly traced my spine I let a soft moan escape from my mouth...he slowly bit the bottom of my lip the softly kissed every part of my face, with a little bit of strength I had in me I slowly raised myself and managed to rest on my elbows..our eyes gazed into each other for a minute then we got back to kissing...just as he was about to unbutton my pants we heard a soft knock on the door...


"Chad..."

my mom's soft voice was coming from the other side of the door and I knew it was over for me if she ever found me with Chad in that kind of a moment, I quickly got up and covered my chest with my shirt I could hardly fit in right, Chad looked anxious and scared just as I was...


" Yes miss Ellen... how can I help you"

" I just want to know if you need anything at all?"


"No I'm good thanks, I'll call you if I need anything"

We heard footsteps fade into the silence and at that moment we knew she was gone, I quickly got up and started getting dressed...it didn't feel safe and I had to leave before she could start looking for me.


" What about our outing?"

His eyes said it all, I could tell just how desperate he was to get out of the house and as risky as it was to get caught, I couldn't say no to him.


" I'll meet you outside in 20 minutes,"

 I said as I headed out the door hoping no one would see me getting out of his room,


The next day I ran into Taylor on my way to class, it wasn't like I wasn't going to see him anyway, we had already discussed what happened earlier but I still felt awkward seeing him...I know feelings don't disappear with the snap of a finger and it's not like he could erase his feelings for me right away...

I am glad he was understanding enough to let this go, we tried to mend our friendship but it was almost impossible knowing how he felt about me.


Shortly after talking to Taylor, Chad came up from behind me and offered me a ride home,

" Aren't you worried about the speculations that could come from this?"


" Let them talk, I don't care anymore,"

He said as leaned back on the wall, 

 

" I'd rather take you home than watch him take you.."

Of course, he was jealous, how could I not have thought of this, it was going to take a village to convince him that I was all his and nobody else,'s not even Taylor.


Upon getting home he offered to open the car door for me but I insisted on doing it myself, I stepped out of the car and as I was about to head inside I heard my mom's voice come up from behind...I turned to look at her and all I could think of was to come up with the best excuse for what she just saw...


Chad tried to intervene without making it obvious that we were together but I stopped him,


" Olivia will you come with me I need to talk to you,"

Mom said as she looked sort of upset, I hate hiding things from her and as much as I wanted to tell her everything I couldn't.


I walked towards the direction she was pointing and when I turned to look at Chad he looked so anxious and nervous at the same time and so was I, I didn't know how to lie to my mom.


We finally got to a quieter place and sat down on the white benches, she held my hand as she looked me directly into my eyes ...her stare was strong enough to pierce right into my soul.

" What's going on between you and Chad?"

"N..nothing.."

My voice sounded a bit shaky but I was hoping she was convinced anyway

" Olivia don't lie to me"

Guess that wasn't convincing enough

"I've noticed something has changed between you two and from what I've seen I can tell that something is going on between you two, when I said that you two should get along I  didn't mean like this..."


"Mom there's nothing going on..."

"You can fool everybody but you can't fool me, whatever it is that you two have going on should come to an end right away, the worst thing that could happen is if Mr and Mrs park found out about this. I know how protective they are of their son and if they knew what was going on they would do anything in their power to stop it and trust me, honey, you don't want to make them upset....so many people would suffer for your actions so please think this through.."


There was no way of hiding it and hearing mom say all those things made me wonder how much harm my relationship with Chad could harm so many people and just how far the Park could go to protect their son.