The next morning I woke up to the rays of the sun that pierced through the curtains and struck my face, still feeling tired from the long night I spent thinking about what happened between Chad and me, I put my feet on the warm fur carpet that was beside the bed, I rubbed my eyes and made an attempt to get up but fell back on the bed and rested my head on the pillow. Don't know how but I sunk into a deep sleep that was abruptly cut short by a voice I could hardly recognize...I mumbled out a few words and seconds later I heard the same voice..anxious to see who it was I was dismayed by the presence of Chad in my bedroom, having him stand on my bedside was so surprising I never thought this would happen in a million years
I quickly got up and rested my back on the headboard, he waited for me to get organized which obviously he could tell by how I was fidgetting, when I seemed like I was calm enough to carry a conversation he let out a soft sigh then began to speak...
He could barely maintain eye contact with me which he usually does especially when he's angry so I knew something was up...
"I know it's a surprise for you to see me here but I wouldn't if this wasn't urgent, I don't know what must be going through your mind after that kiss but I want to make this clear to you..."
I kept looking at him and even though I knew this was going nowhere I grasped onto the little ray of hope not sure why but something wasn't adding up, he paused for a second then continued,
"What happened last night was nothing but an act out of confusion, I don't know what I was thinking and I just hope we could put this behind....my apologies for dragging you into it"
He then proceeded to walk towards the door without hearing what I had to say like my opinion didn't matter...just as he was about to reach for the doorknob I spoke up without thinking twice about it...
"Aren't you going to hear what I have to say?"
My heart was beating fast as I was preparing for the worst response I could receive that morning, I should be used to his unbearable attitude by now but tense moments like this are enough to shake you even by silence.
He slowly turned to look at me, his expressionless face wasn't encouraging but I continued...
I was facing down and I knew at this point I couldn't take back my actions if only the ground could swallow me before I said something stupid but no one was going to save me from what I was about to get myself into...lost in my thought I was startled by his voice that brought me back to the realization of what was going on
"Speak," he said as he looked at me with so much eagerness and curiosity in his eyes
"Wh-wh.."I hesitated a couple of times and just as I was about to get the sentence straight the thought of Taylor popped up, we've built something beautiful, and throwing it all away for a hope that's not promised would be a total waste
Here is a person who's totally poured out his heart, gone above and beyond to make me happy, and here is another person whose arrogant attitude is harsh enough to hurt you even with unspoken words and yet captured my heart and mind in the worst/best possible way if that makes sense.
"Well you've said it all, it was all an act out of confusion but can you do me a favor ...."
I said as I got up to face him, standing a few feet from him felt so intimidating...and his expression was not helping at all...he looked at me so eager to know what I was going to say, his gaze was so strong enough to open up the secrets and burning desires I've kept locked up inside me, how can I stand so close to him and still have the courage to lie to him in spite of every part of me that keeps craving his embrace
"What?!" he said sounding sort of irritated by my delayed response
I took a deep breath then finally got the courage to speak up...honestly talking to him wasn't easy regardless of the situation and I never thought I'd find it this hard and intimidating to speak to someone till I met him
"Don't you ever kiss me or use me as an excuse....whatever you may have been dealing with last night is non of my business....is that clear?"
He clenched his jaw like he had a hard pill to swallow before he could speak up.
"Clear"
He walked away then slammed the door behind him...
I stood there for a while dismayed by the whole situation, what did I just do? what was I thinking, he was mean to me and he made it clear that he didn't mean to kiss me so it's only fair that I said that to him...but what if he didn't mean what he said, what if he meant to kiss me...I stood there with my fingers in my hair, pacing back and forth like a crazy person... I know I like him but why care so much about someone who does nothing but hurt me?
*
( Chad's pov )
The moment I got to my room I slammed the door behind me, hating and beating myself down for how stupid I am, I shouldn't have said the things I said to her and now she probably thinks I am the worse person ever...I know I care about her and seeing her with Taylor only clarified what I felt for her...from the moment she came to this house I've done nothing but treat her badly..how could I even think there could be a possibility between us...I knew she was trouble from the moment I saw her I just didn't know it was this kind of trouble...
Standing by the big glass door I looked at the guitar that was placed on the couch in the backyard...it took me back to the time when Olivia never existed in my life. All I've done is push her away in hopes that I won't get attached to her but the more I push her away the more I embrace myself in the thoughts of having her, holding her hands against all odds, looking into her eyes as long as I could and her smile, I could give anything to see her smile at me every second of the day, unfortunately, it's quite the opposite, with all that has been and lies ahead, our love will never be even if it was written in the stars