If I were cat, I’d be afraid of people. They’re so huge, so noisy and so aggressive. They touch you all the time And never let you sleep. If I were cat, I’d wear a strange name. Sounds like Caesar or Hercules, I don’t know exactly. If I were cat, My owner would offend me And throw something heavy, When I sit on his balcony. If I were cat, Every day I’d eat the same. I hate this canned food But my owner thinks I do love it. Asshole, I don’t. If I were cat, My owner would feel jealous, Cause this beautiful girl Won’t pay to him any attention. Why does she speak like a small child? He would blame me, That he can’t get her into his bed. If I were cat, I would stare at dogs, Walking in the park, Smelling each other, and think. Would you rather be a dog? If I were dog, I’d be alone And never find a friend, Cause affection hurts. If I were dog, I won’t get over it. I don’t wanna see tears In rearview mirror, When my friend drives me to vet. If I were dog, I don’t wanna die Under his glance And I don’t wanna him hesitate, If to find a new friend. If I were dog, I’ll fear that I cannot defend Our home from invaders, Cause I’m not enough strong And not enough brave. If I were dog, I’d hate Hatiko movie, Respect Monmorancy And afraid of the Baskerville. If I were dog, I would listen to millions of stories From homeless under the bridge, Wake up to the birds song and bark. Would you rather be a bird? If I were bird, I’d believe in Phoenix But fear to be burnt, Sitting on electricity. If I were bird, I’d be famous Of playing in Hitchcock’s film. You saw me, one of the millions. If I were bird, I would build the weak nests And unsuccessfully try to find Birdhouses on trees. If I were bird, I won’t fly a lot Because of the laziness, Respect pigeons and laugh on carrots. If I were bird, I’d like to know, how it’s to swim. I would jump into the water and ask, Would you rather be a fish? No, that’s why I’m just a man. No matter, who I’m My thoughts and fears are with me. Cat or dog, Bird or fish. They’d be the same, Forever.