SVICIDE NVTE
"Cough, cough... Uhhh... I'm so tired... I see no reason to go further when there is no path that I could follow. There is no point in a miserable and worthless existence... My life ended long ago, but... Not completely, and therefore I have been existin' for a long period of time. I see no reason to wait any longer..."
I think I'm ready and I have the strength to get up and go to the kitchen, open the drawer and pull out the knife, and then ask myself again whether to wait or die, my veins are filled with fear and my heart is racing, it's easier for me to end all the torture and stand on the doorstep of death and face it, the next step will be straight to hell, there I will feel at least something, maybe even well, uh. Back to the present, I am writing this note in which I express the state of my soul, even an angel despaired that I would ever get up and stop lying at the bottom. My heart is empty, the only thing that kept me alive, not sure if I can save it, I have no strength to fight. I was disappointed in people when some of them betrayed me, I don't like to feel like a victim, I hate it. I swear this is not self-flagellation, I feel hurt, but not aggression, this is torture for me, but definitely not passion...
"Clink"
Blood flows down my hand, and I lie on the floor looking up,
I hope my loved ones will see the note that I sent them and understand my decision to end it all,
All the darkness and problems that I couldn't cope with pushed me to this desperate step,
I imagine how they'll be hurt and will cry coverin' their mouth with a palm,
I wish I could handle it and not fall...
Into despair...
Maybe I'm an egoist who doesn't think 'bout others,
But I'm already completely dead and I want 'em to know that I'm sorry...
31.12.2020
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