Haunted...
Whoever said letting go is like withdrawal from cocaine is not wrong..
My sleepless nights give me so much nightmares..
I have not eaten a proper way ever since..
I am haunted..
When i see something i tell myself she will love that i shall buy it for her then..
When i read an article i tell myself i should share it with her she might find it interesting too..
When i read a book and i already know she will like to read that book too, she will relate..
When i stay in my room, every single part of it has her stuffs she gave me..
Also the memory of the day she was in this room..
When i think of my birthday now, all i see is her..what she gave me then..
When i watch a movie where there is a particular scene, i relate to that..i go back to memory lane..
Some days i forced myself to get out of the house because i feel im going insane..
Some days i have no where to go but to face it..
I don't know what i miss anymore..
I don't know what i feel anymore..
Some days I'm fine..
Some days i want to burn down everything..
Some days i pretend to be fine..
Some days i want to end the pain..the memories..the feelings..
I don't know where i stand anymore..
I was getting better then i was not..
She is not fine either..
I can't help her because whenever i try i make things worse..
I can't help worrying about her..
She calls it being emotionally dependent..
Maybe i am..
She makes me questions myself..
I make her question herself..
How did we reach here?
How did two people who love each other reached to the extent of harming each other?
So many misunderstandings..
So many fights..
So many hurts..
How can we still care for each other yet destroy each other?
What is wrong with us?
Even our friendship is in peril..
Is there really no way for us to be in each other's life?
Are we so bad for each other that even the friendship is slipping away?
2018-12-31 12:36:46
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