21
Now its been a month
Since a became twenty one
And im still trying to change my life
Pain has not gone
War in my head has just begun.
All the regrets are still alive.
Im standing on place, but i just want to run
Somewhere
I need to change everything.
I never needed a space, i just want to be loved
Cared
And not to be scary thing.
Out there is a sun, but i just need my mum,
To tell her my story
She is mad at me , because i called her a dumb
Honey, im so sorry...
Im listening - she said
I answered - no i cant
Because im too scared
To show up who really i am
I was dating an older man
With him a had my first sex
I wrote poem about wishing him was dead
But i burnt it,
So words stayed unsaid.
Now im 21
Trying to have more fun
My life has just begun
I want to do things that are undone.
He is almost 30
Cant believe i was sleeping with him
Cause of his religion, he cant be with me.
Now he is with his wife
Trying to live a happy life
With pretending being perfect.
He is ignoring my soul
Because his priest told him so.
Was i just your sex object?
Im 21, wild and free
Trying to find some clues and keys
Im ready to swim in the sea
With a boy who is falling on my knees.
Im 21
I had played with gun
After i became a sinner
I was 19
When i slept with that guy
I started wishing to be a skinner
I was in love
When the war has begun
In love i was just a begginer.
I am not the only one
Who has gone too far
And wished to became a killer.
2018-02-12 18:36:13
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