Hidden
I smile
I laugh
I help
I fake it all
I have gone through years without a blink of hesitation
As I smile
As I laugh
As I help,
my heart chips away, bit by bit
Nothing I do is real anymore
I have no one to comfort me when I cry
So I pretend instead
I pretend that all things are good and happy, my negative emotions stored away in a warehouse of old things I don’t need anymore
So when I leave the comfort of my house, my tears dry, my heart is devoid of emotion and my fake smile is plastered onto my face
So when I go to school I smile like I would after years of practice
So when I go to lunch I laugh like nothing is wrong
So when I sit down in the classroom I help other students like I understand what is going on
But when I come home, the facade is over
When I come home, all the walls I build break and crumble, leaving a pile of rubble
When I lay down on my bed, a slow trickle of tears meets my pillow
My chest heaves and my heart asks why it holds such a burden
My eyes burn and my stomach churns at the prospect of keeping my true self hidden away
I drift away from this world, making up it’s own fantasies and dreams
I drown in the beauty of a story and my heart begins to pump again
My stomach has calmed down, my chest beats as it usually does
And my mind swirls
And so I remember,
My heart may be cracked and broken and jagged, but it is still beating and that is all that matters
-A
23.02.2021
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