SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.

This is a typical saying most people, either think or say. So I wanna tackle this first!

Despite this typical and most common phrase that is often repeated by most people now a days, when the discussion of suicide comes up, it's still an uncomfortable subject alot of people have different opinions on.

This is one subject that I can closely relate with. I remember when I myself had feelings like the darkest days of my life were far from temporary. I remember feeling, this is it. This is how my life was going to be forever. I even thought that the worst was to still be upon me. I thought this darkness that surrounded me day in and day out, was going to plaque me for the rest of my life.

I still often wonder, if I had the opportunity to jump 5 years forward, when I was stuck in that dark pit and was able to get a glimpse of what my life would look like, and how my life drastically changed by applying the tools and methods I had learned along the way, would that have been enough to help me through those dark days?

Suicide is permanent! There are no second chances or rewinds! Our problems and situations in life are not final! My now favorite quote is, life is 10% what has happened to us and 90% how we choose to react to it! Things in life and our circumstances will change! Even if it's just, our way of seeing it that way!

The world today is a very crazy, messed up place! There's no way around that or denying that! The fact that you are here, is incredible! You are special in your own unique way! You are who God created you to be for a reason! Whether you want to believe it or not, God has a plan for each and every one of us! If he didn't, we wouldn't exist! Ponder on that for awhile.

Your life is a gift to be alive, be the person you are! Don't throw it away! Regardless of what has happened to you, and what you have been through, does not mean that's who you are! You are so much more than your story! You are your own unique self! Take a step forward and start discovering who that person is! I bet you'll surprise yourself!

Now I'm not saying, life is all sunshine and rainbows! Unfortunately, people of this Earth will treat you wrong! You have obviously experienced that first hand. Now, tell me one person on this earth who hasn't? Yes, throughout life, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, sadly the people that are closest to us, will hurt us the most!

I will tell you, what has impacted my life the most, is by taking a step back and taking the focus off of my problems and realizing, by me making a permanent decision for a temporary circumstance in my life, how dramatically it would affect and permanently destroy my girl's and husband's life forever! My girls and husband would be completely lost without me! I have something so special, staring me right in the face! Why would I want to permanently hurt them, to permanently fix my temporary life problems!

A lot of people today are so blind, that they don't see the warning signs! Life passes by so quickly, and people have no idea what goes on in our minds. It's so easy to miss! A good majority of people in today's society, haven't been taught to watch for the warning signs of suicide. The sad truth is, it's such a sensitive subject that people refuse to either talk about it or refuse to learn more about it

Growing up, my adopted parents didn't care a lick about me. Their actions of everyday, proved that! I was overlooked growing up. I was pretty much a walking shadow, that was to be seen and not heard.

As much as we try to understand it, we can't truly know how much people really care about us. The word Love gets thrown around a lot! But in my opinion, and I have finally came to terms with it. People in my life that say, "I Love you" I can't help but think, "Do they really love me?" I have sadly realized, actions speak so much louder than words! This may just be my opinion, but those that prove to me that they "Love" me, are ones I truly believe that love and care about me. It's just unfortunate, how often this is realised too late in life.

As hard as it is for people to grasp this concept. I among the many, am a firm believer that sometimes we are brought through situations and storms in life, so that we can help other people, who are in similar situations.

When people are suicidal, they tend to not think about the future or the loved ones they'll not only be leaving behind, but how drastically it can destroy their loved ones lives, that are still here on Earth. But if it's any consolation, think about how you can use your story and life experience to help someone else who is in this situation!

There are many ways, of how you could step in for these other individuals and help them walk them through it, and how you could be the better person, that was or wasn't there for you, when you needed them most. You have the unlimited potential to save the lives of others!

As much as I can't stand this show, is it's a perfect example! If you've ever watched all of,  the TV show, "13 Reasons Why", then you can clearly see the horrific pain suicide causes. Being at the funeral of a friend or family member, who has tragically took their own life, proves just how the ripples of pain that were so sadly caused, were so deep and widespread. Suicide leaves such a lasting impact on our loved ones still here on Earth!

At one point in everyone's life, we have felt or asked ourselves, if there was something we could have done, could have said, or could have changed. We tend to blame ourselves for them taking their own lives, cause we feel as though we could of some how prevented it. We all do the "What If Scenario's"  If we would have just payed a little more attention to things they were saying, if we would have spent a little more time with them, if only we were more observant to their unusual behavior, if only we we're more of an active listener. We have all done it, thought it, said it, over and over! But we are all still left with the reality that, there is absolutely nothing we can do to bring them back.

I don't believe in the saying that, "suicide is selfish",  but it wouldn't hurt to think about the family and friends, you would be leaving behind. I know you're thinking, well you tried it, so what makes me any different. Yah you're right, I did attempt suicide many times. Trust me, I do not condone attempting suicide by any means! But let me tell you, I wouldn't be here today if that part of my story and chapter in my life existed. I also wouldn't be here today, trying to inform others who have attempted to take their own lives, that suicide is not the answer. On my side of the spectrum in my life, I was right where you are now! I didn't know any other way of coping with the horrible thoughts, flashbacks, triggers, or stress. I didn't have, nor was I taught the tools, methods, and coping skills I have today. All I knew, was I wanted to permanently remove the horrific deep down pain. I thought suicide was the ultimate solution, until I quickly learned it was only a permanent fix to a temporary road block in my life. But like I have said before, there is still Hope! Don't give up! If I didn't give up, then you can't either! You will get there! I'm here to tell you, Your life is worth it!

If you find that, you can't get the help at home that you need, and you have no friends or family you can reach out to, Don't give up just yet. There is lots of support out there! There are many support advocates out there, who have not only dedicated their lives to helping people, but they have a very strong passion such as myself, that have battled with suicidal thoughts and attempts, who have made it through and are now dedicating their whole life to helping others who have been in their same situation. Take advantage of them! That's  why they are there! They're free and they are there to help! It's why they exist, it's why they breath! They are there for you!

NO PROBLEM IS TOO HARD TO OVERCOME!

Libraries, movie's, YouTube, support websites, NAMI (National Association Of Mental Illness), support groups, non profit mental health organizations, and news reports, are overflowing with examples and stories of those who have overcome the most insane challenges and often horrific things, life has thrown at them.

If they can make it, so can you! Now I'm not in anyway, brushing off your pain or situation. I'm simply, trying to strongly encourage you, inspire you, and give you hope, that you can do it to! Being I myself have experienced tormenting and very dark, suicidal thoughts for many years, I cannot say, these horrific thoughts come from within! The one and only down right truth and fact is, thoughts like suicide only comes from the devil himself! I am here to tell you, nobody should ever be ashamed or feel guilty for having such awful and unrelenting thoughts of suicide. Everybody, at one point in there life has had these thoughts! It's all in the devils plan! The devil is out for one thing, and one thing only! That is to steal, kill, and destroy! I should know, I was a victim of the devils prey for the longest time! That is why, I now have made the ultimate decision to separate myself far from letting the devil put those evil lies in my head!

When I was prepared to take my own life, I had no idea what the future would hold. I never would have imagined writing this book and the lives I would touch, just by my story! I never thought I would be where I am now. When I thought of what my future would look like, literally all I saw was black. You will have no idea what is ahead, not only for yourself but for your kids, family, and friends. If anything I have said up until this chapter, that has impacted your life in anyway, and you decide to begin your fresh new journey to recovery, I know for a fact that you will look back on this season and question, how you could have ever considered or tried throwing it all away.

If you are experiencing depression, I want you to know, you are not alone! Depression is a very isolating and lonely experience. When people experience depression, they will withdraw from life, they will isolate, they will lose interest from doing things they once loved to do, they will begin to push all their loved ones away, and they will lose touch with the world around them. It's very easy to feel like, we are all suffering alone. But we're not! There are millions out there who are or have been through some very dark depression. But have beat it! You're not alone!

Let me put it into reality for you. Approximately 20% of high school aged students, have at one point considered taking their own life. Suicide is also the number one leading cause of death. Suicidal thoughts can make us feel isolated within our own heads. If anything gives you hope, just know that there are so many other people, who feel exactly how you feel. There have also been millions who have made it out! By golly, if they have done it, so can we! If you have ever heard the saying, time heals all wounds. Well believe it or not, it's very true! Your situation will change, but only if you allow it to!

In today's society, I have come to realize and have a big issue with the media. They are sending the wrong message to others by making movies and TV shows that portrays that suicide is an acceptable form of revenge on people! Take for example, the TV show "13 Reasons Why" Is everything we see and hear in today's media, encouraging others, that it's ok to take their own life, when things get hard? Is that the ultimate answer? 

The show, "13 Reasons Why" almost puts out a negative message of "oh they will be so sorry that they ever hurt me, once I do this they will never forget me." I’m sorry, but I’m calling bull, on this one! Come on People! Get a grip! By taking your own life, you are not getting revenge! You are sending a terrible message to them saying, you let them beat and break you down so bad, to the point you give them more power and let them win! Now is that how you really want exit this world!? The sad reality is, once the grief passes, people will move on with their lives, as if you never existed! Now, would you want people to remember, "Oh ya, I remember that girl who couldn't hack it and took her own life!" or would you rather have people remember your legacy of how much of an amazing impact you had on them, while you were still alive? The choice is yours!

Here's a perfect example and something to seriously think about. Think for a minute about when Hannah took her life, on the show, "13  Reasons Why." If think back to the show, did you notice how the people in the show had little memories of Hannah and how little remorse they had for Hannah? Do you really want that for yourself? Something to seriously think about! The only person who loses the ultimate battle of life, due to taking their own life by suicide, are those people who choose to die! Once the damage is done, there is no going back! People will hurt for a little while but they will move on, either with you or without you. The true fact is, it always has and it always will!

My message to you is, be a part of life! We only get one life, so why not make the most of it! Leave behind your legacy of impacting lives all around you, by being an inspiration to others by telling your story! You would be amazed at how many lives around the world that can be changed, just by telling your story! Also keep in mind, once people are impacted by your story, you're not only giving them Hope but you are also being dramatically impacted in the greatest way, in your own recovery! Look at Joyce Myer's, look at everything she's had to endure in life! You don't see her going around choosing to be defeated by that monster that tried to destroy her life! She chose the opposite, she chose to get back up, and continue to fight! She is now impacting millions of lives around the world, by sharing her story to inspire millions, that there still is hope!

If anything I have said, thus far that you taken away from this chapter, just remember, whether you're religious or not, with all the darkest moments of your life that the devil has put in front of you, to try to destroy you, God put you on this Earth for a reason! He has a plan for each and every one of us! So do what I did, Get up and find your destiny, your plan! Build your dreams and achieve them! Things will turn around, don't give up! You do however have to keep in mind, everyone's recovery time is different. I'm not saying by any means that there was this magical moment in my life, where my depression just up and disappeared just like that. I have fought and fought for, too many years to count! I also can't say you will be in recovery tomorrow, a month from now, 6 months, or even a year from now. I will however tell you this, nobody can physically or mentally change you. Nobody can put you in recovery. Only you, yourself can change the ending of your story. Ask yourself, what do I want the end of my story look like? The ultimate choice is yours! If I believe there is a plan for my life, I'm going to dedicate my life to full filling that plan, the Lord has for me! Which is, to help others get through their trauma. To give others hope, encouragement, support, and Inspiration. If I have gotten through years upon years of, what has been taken from me and destroyed, You can to!

"Life is 10% what has happened to us, and 90% in how we choose to react to it."