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Amon Din
2020-10-06 12:05:32
Думки вголос, Особисте
I hope you don't mind, I'm drawing your portrait. Stealing piece of your soul... Cause I'm so greedy for it. Greedy for you, James. I nailed it so fast, though i only know you for a month or so... But from the very moment i saw you, felt like I've known you forever. So much passion in every scene, no matter what your lips pronounced, it felt like an act of lust, passion seeping through every feature of you. If I haven't chosen Alan earlier, i would choose you. You never fail to surprise me, even despite all i've seen. I think I'm falling for you. I want to thank you for all you've done, all semicolors of emotions you showed me in your works. You were being honest and sincere. I know how hard it is to be that open in front of the cameras and the whole world of watching eyes. All scrutiny, all the criticism, all the stalking and talk shows, interviews and ... Many other things that I have no idea of. The new me, that was born in agony of loss, anderstands you. I hope you never know that someone on this earh is so hungry for you. Not just your characters, but you. I'm tempted to contact you, to make one of those silly cliché mistakes, like sending some simbolic music records with thanks notes, or just letters with odes to your charm and talent. I still regret not sending a letter to Alan, even after these years, knowing well that it would not change a thing, and that i had nothing to say to him back then. I don't want to make the same mistake and I don't want to lose you. I'm not sure I can handle another blow like that. A dead secret I'm going to take to the grave. Or in fire. None of my family can read English enyway, and I can't write in russian somewhy. I'm not ready to have it discovered. It's too personal. Too intimate to show anybody who cared, anyone close to me. I have to live skinless now, and a single touch can be fatal. I have to learn how to fight my kind. I had the chance to leap in hands of Death, but i wasted it when returned from the last forest trip. I don't want to face Her here, here is no place for peace or dignity, no last refuge for my soul. It's the battlefield, so i have to fight even without hope.
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