In a wondering silence I start slowing my pace as I walk quietly down the pebble and dirt path, alone along a quite trail dimly lit by lights along one side. My mind wanders aimlessly while heading to St Kilda, having no mood or intention to rush up. Johann Strauss stinging along with me with his magnificent and enchanting Blue Danube Waltz. The occasional wind would blow ,sweeping the leaves across the trail and sends chills across my body, tickling the bare skin of my face, forcing me to pull my warm hand out of my jacket to pull the scarf up to my chin before running my fingers through my stringy hair, to brush few irritating wisps blocking my view as my eyes look up and down the road.

I get out of the passenger's way and cut the busy street while still thinking about everything that happened recently , missing my beautiful days in Vienna . I almost miss the headlights come up behind me. I slid my hand back to my pocket and lower my face against the cool wind, burying it deep into my scarf. Fall, was and still, my favourite season and the most beautiful time of the year as far as I am concerned. Not because the trees would show off with all their reds, oranges and yellows, making virtual postcard right before every nature observer's eyes, but because I am an autumn child myself. The cool weather always stirs feeling deep within my soul. I love when I can hear the beautiful sound of the whispering wind through the leaves on the trees.

The walking back seems daunting. My frustration has gone slightly but still don't feel like much walking, however, I have to. My nose starts tingling from the crisp air. It is 6:30 , the sky begins darkening, its beautiful dark shade of blue mixes with streaks of beautiful red nuances . I watch as the grey clouds start taking up residence in the distance while the slight mist and the low lying fog coming from the bayside beautifying and giving the evening an almost eerie appearance as I have ever seen.

I stop at a coffee shop not far from where I live now. The pleasant smell and the warm aroma coming from inside tickle my nostrils, inviting me to get something for warming and to stop the headache because of the lack of caffeine. I had nothing since I left Kim's place this morning.

The place is large with little secluded niches which can provide a pretty good privacy. It is where Kim and I use to hang out and discuss, sharing all things that matter with each one of us; family troubles, hopes, dreams or love on the agenda. We always turn to each other. We have been besties since kindergarten and we are still. The coffee shop has often been crowded due to their good service, privacy and their excellent quality of beverages and sweets. But not today. It is almost empty as the time is near to their closure but there is still few people though.

I sit alone at my usual table, completely absorbed in the flashing screen of my phone. Oblivious of the surrounding din of chit chat and the coffee house sounds as I am mentally struggling to answer the call from Juh or not. I know if I don't pick up her call any soon I will just make it worse. Another two rings and I tap on the small green icon , hearing her voice as the call counter has started counting the time up since the call was received

'Hello'

I greet Juh and take a quick sip from something called a moccachino, it tastes like cocoa with one drop of coffee in it for good measures, while preparing myself for the stream of words she will start shower me with

'Seems you are avoiding my calls and messages on purpose, unless you have diarrhea!'

She exclaims from the first second, not bothering herself to greet me back. Hell! She must be really upset, after all we haven't been in touch for a week now

'No, I'm just ...'

She doesn't let me finish what I want to tell her

'Look, well- hear me up, I won't ask you why or what's wrong but I want and I gotta know even though, but for now -- listen carefully to what I'm going to say'

She speaks fast and then mimics the sound of drums like she is about to announce something important. I nod absent-minded

'Our secrets'

I frown

'I mean the song we composed well not really composed but the one we have chosen for the masquerade party ..'

She pauses for a while, testing my patience

'... has - been - selected among few other songs for the next performance in the national orchestra here in Vienna in next two days! Can you believe that?!'

Her voice gradually rises up in crescendo hitting the highest note she ever reached, Pavarotti himself would be proud of her

'I was trying to contact you like thousands of times but couldn't reach you and I have sent messages but never been seen.'

I feel stings in my heart, simply because it hurts missing such opportunity, to get the song selected for performing in a nationally famous orchestra is not everyday chance, it's a once in life time and, for my misfortune I won't be able to join the crew. Humming, I let Juh finishing her news

'The results of the exam are still not displayed, but judging on the chosen song I guess we did it and passed to the next round of the competition. We are one step closer Genny !'

She exclaims happily, frankly, I missed to see her joyful face

'What? Won't you say something? --- Are you still there with me? Genny? Hey! Hello!! What's the heck...'

I cut her midspeech after I find my tongue

'Parabéns Juh and to all the crew.'

I congratulate her

'And why you are saying it like you're not happy?'

I have to tell her, sooner or later she will find out and will blame me for not informing her earlier

'I'm happy for you, really, I'm just tired...'

I don't lie, I, indeed am tired , physically and emotionally and mentally too, hopefully she won't go further but who am I kidding, Juh is such a persistent kind of girl and she won't buy it and will keep digging and interrogating me till she knows what is hidden

'You lazy girl!'

She sighs loudly

'How time is there anyway? '

She asks but answers herself instantly

'Aah! It's the evening there, I forgot 😅it's morning here and still can't adopt to the Australian time zone, you can't blame me, though'

I hear her chuckling

'Anyway. It will be in two days, enough time for you to come and get ready '

She exclaims

'Juh --- I-- I ca-- I can't come '

I stammer, lowering my head looking down at my crossed legs under the table, made of black glass, reflecting slightly my figure. I try to compose myself to not have a break down here in the coffee shop. As much as I'm happy with the news, it makes me even more sadder

'Why? Why not? Is it problem of money because I can book you the flight, I can pay everything and all what you can do is just bringing your small sexy ass here'

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. I wish the problem was that easy and simple.

'I don't play violin anymore '

I say, staring down at my cup of coffee and absent-minded start spinning my index around its edge

'What did happen? Did you break your wrists?'

She asks with voice full of concern

'Are you still with me?'

I nod, biting slightly on the corner of my lip then I remember she can't see me as this is not a video call, mouthing out a yes after I clear my throat

'Mind you tell me what's wrong with you, now?'

She demands. I rub my brows nervously. I know I should let that out, I'd perhaps feel much better if I told her

'I lost my violin, Juh. All our properties have been sold in the auction last week because of Edward. He has mortgaged our house and the bank decided to seize our estate and all our belongings in judgment and sold it in the auction as it passed the time to pay back the mortgage debt'

I answer and a tear slips down my cheek

'Oh -- my-- why you didn't tell me before? '

She asks then sighs loudly

'Because I'm troubled and still can't digest it myself '

I shrug sighing

'You should have had telling me before, at least I could have helped '

We are quite for some time, lost in our thoughts

'How much your violin has costed ?'

'100 thousand '

' damned it girl! I thought we are friends, why you didn't notify me one day before the auction? I could have come and bought it for you'

'I just didn't want to trouble you with me'

I shrug

'I can feel you my friend, we - the musicians- have built strong bounds with our instruments and it's hard when it comes to lose them. I'm sorry for what happened with you. Do you know who bought it? '

'Some tycoon. But it doesn't matter. The harm is done and can do nothing to undone it'

'Of course it does!'

She disagrees

'How?'

I ask back

'Because I want and I am willing to buy it from the one who got it that's why'

As she speaks I lose control on my tears

'100 thousands is far too expensive and too much money '

I mutter after I take several deep breathes to compose myself

'Are you still not able to play with another? This is your dream Genny. We made it because of you or else we would have been ended up with some boring performance '

'Too kind. But we made it all not only me and that's why you should lead them with your cello. Make me proud Juh'

'I don't know. I don't feel like I can do it without you, we are the best duo'

She insists

'Of course you can, you're an amazing cellist and I believe you can do it. Nana, Bejœrn and Mark are there with you too. You're all amazing musicians I have been fortunate to cross paths with'

She goes silent so do I, sipping from the moccachino that becomes colder

'I heard there is some kind of treatment for people who have phobia'

She croaks out

'What that for?'

I ask frowning

'I guess you have some kind of phobia, that's why you can't play with another than your violin, I mean you grew strong attachment to it, and this later disallowing you to play with another'

'This has nothing to do with phobia!'

I reply nonchalantly, rolling my eyes

'Fear of failure, I guess you're afraid to fail without your violin... think about it Genny, it's all in your mind you need to play on another fiddle because you can! And you have to overcome whatever prevents you from playing '

'I don't know, but I will try '

'Yes you better gotta play with another, cheesecake '

'I'm sorry for what happened with you, if you need anything just give me a call. Where are you living now? I forgot to ask'

'At Kim's '

'Don't worry Imogen, life is only testing your strength and how much you can endure all this shit and you know why? Because you're unique, amazing and have great talent. Don't lose your hope and your courage my friend, I know you will survive and will give life a huge middle finger right in the face'

'Thank you Juh. You're a great friend '

'I did nothing worth to thank me about, just don't shut on yourself. You are allowed to be sad and to grieve, but don't take long time while missing the good things out there. Move on and leave it to time to heal your wounds. The sunrise of each morning is there only as a reminder, teach us that always after darkness comes the light'

'True'

I mouth out

'Be strong ,I'll keep in touch with you just answer the damned phone when it rings'

She laughs, I copy her example and laugh

I hang up the call after chitchatting for a little more about her adventures to Italy and her new tattoo she got there, promising me to reminisce everything later when we will meet since she is planning to visit Australia for few coming days. Looking down at the order to see I couldn't finish the half of it. I lift myself, zipping my jacket up to my chin while rolling the scarf tightly around my head to protect me from the cold outside. I suspect the weather would change again tomorrow.

The movement of the leaves on the trees and on the trail, the cold air although biting more into my face it's freshening me with new hope. Walking down the street after I left the coffee house; letting the wind nipping at the trails of my scarf and whipping few wisps across my face. My mind is still thinking of Juh talk, her words are still echoing in my head. She has right, a week passed of my life grieving meanwhile I should have been strong. I have faced a lot of troubles but I managed to get over them all. Life after all laughs at those who show their weakness at first punch, and respects you only when it sees you don't give up that easy.

Few another steps and I find myself at the street where Kim's house. I can even see her descending the car, apparently she was somewhere with Juan

'Hey'

I am first to greet. Kim greets me back, sheepishly buttoning her jeans. I instantly turn my head toward the house, trying to not make the situation awkward than it is, this girl is just too much with her boyfriend

'Where have you been?'

She asks

'With you'

I reply

'What?!'

She dumbfounded asks back

'That's what you're going to tell them. I'm not in mood to argue with Christine'

I reply, rolling my eyes

'Could I at least know where have you been?'

'Selling dope'

She stops walking , I stop looking at her

'What?! I was nowhere in precise, do you think this face can sell dope and deal with drug dealers? Really?!'

She laughs, saying she is not really concentrated

'Yeah I know why'

I tease her, she looks at me flashed then laughs insecured , hitting me with her bag on my back, luckily I avoid the hit. We enter the house and still can't stop laughing. Still teasing her. It's first genuine laughter since I come back from Vienna. Meli peeks on us from the living room, I can tell she is happy witnessing the fight with Kim like old times , sooner mom comes

'Hey! Finally you are here! Where have you been and all this loud laughter... '

'I was with Kim at Two Wrongs bar seeing few friends'

I answer, elbowing Kim to agree with what I have said. I know I'm lying but I'm really tired to deal with mom

She looks at us with her questioning gaze then comes toward me, trying to detect some suspicious smell maybe. She thinks I smoke some weeds. I can understand them . I've been the entire week in hiatus, walking out from the sunrise and back only by evening, not talking with anyone , and here I am, laughing loudly and teasing Kim like nothing happened.

'Welcome back Genny! I missed you!'

Meli speaks out pulling me into a hug. Life goes on and therefore we should let go of what keeps us stuck in our spot. I loved my violin, I have never loved something with such fierce, it was not just instrument but a part of me but I have to move on. Shutting myself and refusing to talk, roaming aimlessly won't bring what I have lost, if so then I would had had brought my father but life don't work like that. I have to fight my way and complete what I was doing with passion. I may lost a very important opportunity for starting my career and be recognizable viola soloist , I may not leading any orchestra later but I can find something that can fit me. I can teach and transfer my love for classical music and the bow stringed instruments to the other people. Because music was never been just a career. It's the soul, it's the passion, it's the healer and not only a job. The road is rocky and long, I certainly will stumble and fall but I have to back on my feet again to complete the dream I had once. And first step into healing is by training myself to accept playing with another fiddle.

'Anyway, someone wants to see you badly and he is waiting for pretty long time'

Mom exclaims, sounds a little bit happy if I can tell.

I don't know why , but my heart skips several beats the moment mom notified me. Like a silly I jump to conclusions, a stupid smile crosses my lips. Is it possible? Could it be him, waiting for me? Did he finally hear about what happened with me ? Did he finally remember he has someone waiting for him for ages to come? I don't know what to do as my mind goes blank and my subconscious gives itself a holiday, celebrating my prince coming . Finally he is here, finally I will see him and that's all what it matters at the moment. Colin is here!

I nod to mom that I will follow her then close my eyes, trying to calm my beating heart as it goes faster and faster that I feel it will escape and slid down toward my entrance. A weird, funny feelings resident on my stomach that can't describe . Oh dear God! What is happening to me!